"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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