Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
