she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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