THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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