I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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