you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
