Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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