A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize