I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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