So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize