every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
