She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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