u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
