Porn is love you can see.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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