You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize