sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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