i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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