I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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