Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
