What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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