So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
