even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
