Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
