I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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