Screwed.edu
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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