She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
