i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
