So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
