halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You should frame my arrest warrant.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
