Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
