At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize