im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
