I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize