I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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