I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize