Sorry, I don't speak sober.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
