in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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