With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
