I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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