I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
