Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
two words: eviction party
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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