i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
