Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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