why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
