Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
