I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
