You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
