I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
There's always time for handjobs
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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