Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
