So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
