Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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