Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize