so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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