I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
