I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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