how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
