but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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