Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.

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(925): View more from California

upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday

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(973): View more from New Jersey

my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from

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(732): View more from New Jersey

i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.

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(513): View more from Ohio

2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.

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(217): View more from Illinois

I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy

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(402): View more from Nebraska

You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon

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(256): View more from Alabama

I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?

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