i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
