Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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