you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
